“Unshareable” Pt2

Here is a story from my past and it’s just a great story. 


Back when I was in ALERT we were lodged in what we called the “Bunk room”.  It really was two rooms, one with three tiered bunk beds, and a smaller one with normal bunk beds.  The bigger room housed the majority of the unit and became inevitably the common area.  Now as boys will be boys roughhousing and pranks became the norm.  However on one night in particular, Jared decided to annoy Jason Litt.  Now to give a little background you have to know that Jason Litt was the consummate down home southern guy.  About 24 years old, He grew up baling hay, living on a farm, and had actually driven a semi for a while.  At 6’2’’ 200+ He was the greatest guy you’d meet, and someone you wouldn’t mess with.  Jared was, as we all named him… special.  Awkward, goofy, and sometimes not that bright, Jared confused us because He didn’t seem to care that He was all of these.  Skinny, scrawny, goofy, and… well… weird Jared didn’t stand a chance.  To further set the stage you need to know that this was in the upper peninsula of Michigan in the dead of winter, snow up to your head, and temperatures normally below zero. (We tried to play snow soccer once and found it didn’t really work.  When your chest is level with the ball it’s kind of hard to kick)  The common practice in the “UP” is that you have to shovel snow off the roof because the weight of the snow will collapse it.  Subsequently outside the door of the bunkroom was a mountain of snow that you could literally run up, and jump onto the roof.  To finally set the scene you need to know that both Jared and Jason Litt were clad only in their BVDs.  (Hey these are guys)

Thirty five + guys circled around the two combatants with the same thought, “Jared doesn’t have a prayer.”  We cheered as Jared flailed against Jason’s onslaught, and feebly tried to free Himself from what seemed the grip of fate.  When Jason had Jared in a crushing bear hug we all thought, “That’s it, shows over.”  Yet as we watched, Jared began to squirm.  Upward, and upward, releasing his ribs then further.  Then Jared began reaching down Jason’s back inch by inch until. AAAAGGGGHHH!!!!  A fistful of tighty whities was brought up with violence.  Then with two hands and a triumphal  AAAAGGGHHH!!!! Jared gave Jason the wedgie of his life.  Thirty five guys simultaneously roared and promptly died laughing at the same time.  The next day we were approached by those across the compound (some 200 yards away through concrete) asking what in the world happened.  But this isn’t even the end.  As we were trying to pick ourselves up, and wiping tears from our eyes, Jason had thrown Jared over His shoulder and taken him outside.   Jason then proceeded to shove Jared into the “roof snow bank” and pummel him with snow.  As we all watched from the window one person spoke up, “Um… guys… look up.”   Across the courtyard above the garages were the residences of Maj. And Mrs. Furman, the overseers of the entire ALERT program.  And they both were in the window observing Jason, Jared, and us.  “What do we do?” someone asked.  (And I swear to God it was me who said)  “Wave?”  All of us smiled and waved through the window and were given an uncertain wave back. “Quick, SOMEONE GET JASON!!!” (Spoken through smiling teeth)  A head popped out of the doorway, “JASON Mr. and Mrs. Furman are WATCHING you RIGHT NOW!”  Jason Litt next, did the most impressive and least expected thing.  He looked right up to the Furman’s, raised His arm, and gave a big wave.  He then picked up the now numb Jared, slung him over His shoulder, and walked confidently back into the bunkroom.  Blinds were closed, curtains drawn, and yet again thirty five guys died with laughter.  But this time silently.


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